Americanuck

This probably falls considerably far into the TMI category (hey maybe I should MAKE a TMI category on here, oh wait. I did already!) but in the middle of the night, if I have to pee, I pee in the dark. I figure, once your ass is down on the seat you’re good to go. Right?

I’ve memorized the route to/from bed and bathroom and everything within the bathroom that needs to be used (including the location of the soap dispenser) within a reasonable margin of error. So much so in fact, that I could do it with my eyes closed. Literally. Well okay… once I used the hand-cream side of the dispenser intead of the soap side by accident but I’ve come up with a work around for that as well. Always thinking I am.

There IS method to my madness. I know this isn’t the first time I’ve said this but I’m an insomniac and one that suffers far greater under times of stress. So if my eyes are closed and I’m half asleep? The insistent post-forty bladder is not going to pull me out of that quasi-slumber k?

So anyway, like I said I usually have the whole route and bathroom functions down to a science. Well as long as I don’t throw myself any curve balls or Tom doesn’t leave the seat up (ok that was only once but the blood-curdling yelp of my ass connecting with cold porcelain was enough for Tom to double check.)

So last night, I’m laying there trying to talk myself out of the need to pee. I mean I’m all comfy in my bed and my dozy self is saying “Psst come on, you can get through these lousy three hours of sleep without needing to get up to pee!” and my sensible self is saying “Now Belinda (yes my sensible self calls me by my given name) if you get up now you will guarantee yourself an uninterrupted 3 hours…” Dozy self reluctantly gave into sensible self  and I trekked to the en-suite. Here’s when it all went wrong.

I dunno what I was doing but somehow I got a bit turned around and flailed out my hand to find the counter and get my bearings and my hand connected with my make-up bag that I had left on the counter that morning. I heard a few sickening crashes and, I’m sorry to say, a few “splashes”. I squealed and Tom called out to ask if I was ok. Ummm yeah but some of my make-up is, So. Not. Ok.

So, yeah, the light got turned on and with half squinched eyes I peered into the toilet to see what make-up had gone for the unexpected swim. In moments like these you almost want to just flush and leave it your own dirty little secret but, well hell, the noise already busted me and I’m sure the next big “dump” would have caused a log jam so the plumber would have narc’d me out anyway..

So with a weary sigh I went fishing and pulled out my face powder, a couple of brushes and a few other bits and bobs from the bowl. Annnnnnd then I proceeded to wash my hands for ten like minutes. Ew.

Needless to say those items that fell into the toilet were sacrificed and were provided a land-fill burial as opposed to the one at sea.

Happily, after work and my quality time dinner with Sean (we were alone tonight) we hit the drugstore and I bought replacements for the stuff I really needed. Of course being make-up is my “crack” I also bought stuff I didn’t need.

I am a cosmetic marketers wet dream. But seriously, how could you NOT buy a mascara called “Get Bent”?

I’ve pretty much always had a cat or two just about my entire life. I’ve been pretty fortunate that I’ve never had a real “mean kitty” although one we did have that was actually my ex’s cat probably was a runner up to that category if nothing else.

Most of my cats have been more of a rescue kitty variety, Super Kitty if you will. So much so that you can almost hear the Indiana Jones theme song playing when they start trying to save you. I get hours (ok minutes) of fun meowing like a hysterical cat to make Cinny and Nutter come running to “help” the cat in distress. I’ve even had the confused Cinnamon try to stick her head in my mouth trying to find that poor kitty that must be stuck down there somewhere (trust me she didn’t get anywhere near me!)

When surfing through youtube one day I came across a video of a “mean kitty”. I have to wonder a bit if this was truly a mean kitty, or one that hated cameras or just was not well treated, it’s hard to say. While playing it I noticed that Cinnamon woke up and started to run around looking for this upset cat. I quickly grabbed my camera and took a video of her reactions. Unfortunately they weren’t as funny as the first initial moments but they are still good for a laugh. I had a bad cold when I filmed it so my laughing ended up making me break into a coughing fit. Still a classic Cinny moment.

P.S. Please ignore our terribly messy office…

In times of stress or worry I can’t sleep, or rather I can but not for very long and not very soundly. I know I’m not alone in this, I mean seriously would there be an industry the revolves around sleep aids if I was? I’ve never gone down the road of artificial sleep aids and don’t intend to. Well, unless wine counts, and if it does I’m totally doing that tonight. Just the one glass though. It’s a school night.

I admire Tom and his ability to sleep pretty much any time, any where. Upright, slanted, airplane, couch, mid-conversation you name it… well at least he hasn’t fallen asleep during sex. YET.

He has this thing where he can visualize ‘grey fog’ or just celebrate the wonderfulness of all that is pillow, two seconds later he’s zonked out. I try that, I try all kinds of relaxation techniques and nadda. Two seconds later my mind has shifted from neutral into first and is starting to race.

When I feel like this I try to remember how tired I felt after our VERY long trip back home from Vegas, put myself in that place. That was one time I was aching for a pillow and to be completely utterly horizontal. Fantasizing about just shucking my icky travel plane cootied clothes and just falling face first into the down when we were in fact somewhere between Seattle and the border.

Man if I only knew the magic button that would work for me besides drinking enough to pass out. I mean, after all it’s a school night I will leave THAT for Friday night.

Random thoughts while watching the rather boring Emmy broadcast…

I want to smack Jeremy Piven’s little bottom grrrrourrrrrrr *wink*

Who gave Ryan Seacrest a career? And what the hell happened to Brian Dunkleman? At least his name was entertaining.

Why don’t they serve alcohol at the Emmy’s like the Golden Globes? These people are a lot more interesting when they’re drunk.

Will the announcer ever work again after mispronouncing Katherine Heigl’s name and who was called on the mistake publicly by Katherine Hi-gull who went on to win an award? (Who’s back there??)

Irony? Christina Aguilera sings the song “Stepping out with my Baby” with Tony Bennett  with all those rumours about her being um with a baby yet to be confirmed or denied. Further, Tony is 80 and it would appear his wife was a ovum for  around half his life. Ew.

Can someone give a caffeinated beverage to Robert Duval ? The man has all the energy and enthusiasm of a corpse.

Are dangly earings now ok on men?

Every spray tan outlet in LA must have been bizzzzz-eee the last few days. I haven’t seen that much orange since the produce aisle at the Safeway.

Yay! Steve Carell and Jon Stewart together again if but for a moment on stage.

If  only I could look as good as Helen Mirren does at her age at MY age and be half as witty….dayum!

Brad Garrett is a naughty boy who was very public about his love of boobies.

Quote of the night “If Mother’s ruled the world there would be no goddamn wars in the first place” -Sally Field…

Yay for the Sopranos!

Oops changed my mind on the quote of the night… the dude that accepted for the Sopranos “If Gangsters ruled the world…oh wait maybe they do…”

Today was another big milestone for Sean, he had his first post-surgical visit with the orthodontist and treatment begins in earnest yet again. The next phase of treatment is wearing elastics day and night to help pull the back molars back out.

The orthognathic surgery changed the position of  jaw and along with it his teeth. This phase of treatment is to begin the realignment of his teeth now that his lower jaw is in the “right” place.

Everyone at the office exclaimed at the dramatic change they saw in Sean since they last saw him. I really can’t wait to see what he will look like once this is all done!

It is amazing how much he’s changed since we began, how much he’s growing up! Just to give some perspective this first picture was taken in Feb 2006 right at the beginning.

The following two pictures were taken the night before surgery. 

These last pictures were just taken the other night. As you can see there is a small amount of residual swelling but basically it’s all gone. Sean is back to eating pretty much everything he wants he has healed so fast, way ahead of the curve. Everyone is different and he healed at the top of the scale, in fact his surgeon said he was the fastest he’s seen. The only things he’s banned from eating  now is pretty much anything that was already banned for braces. He was just happy he’s allowed to eat bacon now. The no bacon thing was pure unadulterated torture in Sean’s world.

I know it can be a scary thing preparing yourself, and/or your child to go through this but it’s all worth it in the end. Sean’s really happy with how it has gone and is really happy that the “worst” of it all is behind him now.